Once upon a time, I believed happiness came from buying things. Shiny, designer things; expensive or not so expensive things. I bought into the old notion of “she who dies with the most toys wins.” I even had a T-shirt with that inscription on it back in the 80s. I thought owning stuff gave me a sense of importance and self-esteem.
I shopped till I dropped, and although I did feel that sense of exhilaration when walking out of the stores with tons of bags, that high soon dissipated and left me feeling empty. This led to a painful cycle and downward spiral of always wanting to buy more. I even chose a career path ( corporate law) that in some ways enabled me to become a compulsive shopper. The harder I worked, the more clothes and shoes I could stuff into my closet. I was living like Robin Sharma before he became the Monk who sold his Ferrari.
Boy, was I on the wrong path.
It has taken my years of introspection to realize what I was doing. I was numbing out pain. The pain of NOT creating the life I was meant to live. The life I adored. A life of not being creative or artistic, which has always been my true calling. After all, who was I to become a successful artist in a society that valued money and power above all else? I was scared to follow the path less traveled to become the person I truly am.
There’s a word in Sanskrit, the dukkha, that’s an important Buddhist concept. It is commonly translated as “suffering”, “pain” or “unsatisfactoriness.” We often go through life assuming that something outside of ourselves, like buying things or special relationships, will help us avoid the dukkha.
That never works. It just creates more emptiness and more hollowness.
We live in a society that encourages us to spend at every turn. We come to believe that we are worthless if we don’t have this or that. This plays on our psyche and weaknesses. We need to become mindful of these incessant temptations and protect our spritis at all costs. Is a shiny new bag worth the happiness of your soul?
The truth is that by mindlessly falling into these lures and traps, we become weaker and a mere shadow of our true selves. We may even become bitter or ill. This is what Steven Pressfield calls resistance in his book The War of Art. This pattern of resistance creates a drain on our society and our families and the collective whole.
I’m speaking from experience. At the height of my career as a Wall Street lawyer, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. The universe was trying to send me a wake-up call and put me on the right path with my true life mission. Thankfully, it also sent me an angel, a psychic by the name of Christine who put me on the right path.
This woman opened my eyes and told me to start writing. It took me some time for the advice to sink in, but it did eventually and I began a fulfilling life of doing what I love. My cravings for frivolous shopping sprees subsided and I began to fill the void with creativity and some self-love.
Don’t get me wrong; I still love wearing a beautiful dress. Now, I just make sure it’s something I really need before I buy it and that it’s ( preferably) locally made.
My life remains a work-in-progress and when I feel tempted to blow some hard earned royalty money on a new piece of clothing, I ask myself the hard questions: Am I bored? Feeling lonely? Resisting work on a new project? While creating this very blog I faced a huge amount of resistance. I guess it was all the more important for my soul’s calling that I get it out there.
Last but not least and MORE importantly, breaking the addictive spending pattern has allowed me to take control of my finances and in the end, the planet. Mother Earth desperately needs our help. We need to stop consuming mindlessly and own the consequences of our collective need to buy way too much stuff.
Let’s cut back on the things and focus on connection instead. Our hearts, wallets and our planet will be in much better shape for it.
